I feel like writing.
“Should” probably be working on the “Really-Need-To-Do-TONIGHT-List”…
“Should” be reading something bio-related or learning how to better draw a Gram + cell…
“Should” probably be washing some laundry or making a nutritious dinner of sorts…
But, those things can wait.
I’ve had this idea for about a week now and it is starting to bubble up. Might overflow, actually.
Started as a “wow” moment, settled as a gentle idea, transitioned into something like a child’s-little-tug-on-your-pants-leg-pay-attention-to-me-please-thought, which evolved into a rambunctious wild thing that now dances in my head and heart on a regular basis. Where did you come from?!
I feel effervescent. Fizzy. Full of thoughts that are rising that certainly didn’t come from me.
And I’m starting to think that maybe someone else out there needs to hear this, so here goes nothing. Wasn’t my idea to start with, so I’ve got nothing to lose. (Shoulder shrug and little grin)…
So with Nickel Creek playing, candle flames dancing, soft light smiling through cream-colored-curtains… I’ll set fingers free.
…
I was named Sara. My name is Sara.
No real choice in the matter, it was the name I was given at birth.
(Was almost an Emma, but nope. Looked like a Sara. So here I am).
Sara means “one who brings great joy”…
Growing up, I always felt like that name carried quite a bit of pressure- “One who brings great joy”- … a title, a job of sorts, a role to play. A duty to fill. A name to live up to. As if being the oldest kid wasn’t enough of a challenge. Joy, huh? So, that is my job. Bring joy. Greaaat.
And I wasn’t named to bring ‘a bit of joy’ or ‘some joy’ but…. ‘great joy’…
Joy, when taken apart or defined by dictionary things means “the emotion of great delight” or “happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying”… “keen pleasure”… “elation”… Big, right? Kinda intense, right? It is something that doesn’t just swing in easily. Not a happy-fleeting-moment. It is more of knock-ya-off-balance-deep-real-good-steady-thing.
It is the difference between a tackle-hug and just a nice-friendly-hug. Tackle hugs involve running, excitement and lots of smiles. (The four-year old I babysit for is really good at these). It is an I-Really-Missed-You-Hug. That is joy. Not fleeting happy smiles, but lasting awesome joy. Deeper than feeling.
And the idea of bringing that, on a regular basis… as regularly as I am named Sara… that seemed tough. Impossible actually. To always bring Joy. But, then again, I am always named Sara. Not just “Sara” when I feel like being “Sara”…
I am named Sara even when I am not always feeling perfectly joyful myself. So how does that work?
Then this idea hit me the other day. And this is the idea I feel compelled to share.
Sara. One who BRINGS great joy.
I am meant to BRING great joy. Not make it. Not stir it or create it or build it or mix it up myself. I am a messenger. I bring it. I get to carry it. Deliver it. Hold it. Pass it. Throw it your way. Toss you some Joy. I get to have it inside of me and I get to bring it around with me wherever I go, with whatever I do.
It was the most freeing feeling. The most awesome idea. Turned my pity-party-duty-idea on its head.
BRING. GREAT. JOY.
Don’t worry about making it. Buckets of Joy are already there. It is already taken care of. Always there, whether or not I feel it or see it or sense it. Like gravity. Always doin’ its thing whether or not I take the time to pay attention to it. Like my heart beating or lungs filling up and letting go. Still there.
Joy must be an Always thing.
I’m thinking that Joy exists (and has for forever and will for always) whether or not I am around. There will always be someone to carry it. Even if all the Sara-joy-bringers simultaneously disappeared or collectively decided to quit being joy-bringers, others would step up.
I mean, they say “Joy comes in the morning”…. Leave it to the morning to still keep kicking along even if everyone else stopped bringing joy. Morning is always there.
Basically, it started to sink in that Joy is not a new idea.
Joy doesn’t change. And my mood doesn’t matter in the slightest. It is my opportunity to bring joy. And actually, it is just my role to be open to it. To see it for what it is. To find it. To bring it for others. To find it in the morning, every morning.
Instead of feeling pressured to fill myself up with joy all on my own, it seems now… after a week of this little thought or meditation… that Joy is pretty incredibly full on its own.
And I (ME?!)… I get to BRING it.
Sara, the messenger who helps deliver great joy.
One who brings great joy.
So, with that, I’ll return to the “Really-Need-To-Do-TONIGHT-List”… and you will return to whatever things you ‘should’ do too… But, I’ve decided that I’m going to open up a bit and I’m going to become a Sara-the-joy-hunter. Joy-gatherer. True-Joy-Bringer.
… Cause opening up to Joy seems to be about the only pre-req for getting to bring it around with you.
Off to find the joy in the dirty dishes…
Sara
OK, so I should be studying/memorizing art, artists, years – ugh! Then I happened upon a Joy Bringer – WOW! THANK YOU, MAIL LADY! Perfect delivery! tackle hug to be deivered your way soon! Off to my “should-be”!
Dearest One Who Brings Joy….. so nice to be reading one of your postings again and PERFECT TIMING as per your norm. I too have my ‘to do list” but needed a break and there YOU were!
All is well here…. Hope all is well with you and your school work. SO GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU! Need to call your Mom and let her know that I booked the beach house ( same one as last year….easy one for Jerry to get around in) We will be there from 20 July until 3 Aug. YES 2 WEEKS THIS YEAR!!!! YEAH!!! We all need the extra week. Need to go and do some readings. Take care Joy Bringer ( and you REALLY DO). Love ya~ S.
Hi Sara I always marvel had how I find myself thinking of different people and then they pop in my life again. I’ve been thinking of you and what you could be up to since before Christmas. In fact Jake and Aria were talking about you being here more than a year ago helping us put the Christmas decorations up. Well that time of year has passed now and we had a our first Christmas home in 8 years which was good and so much more relaxing. On boxing day were headed off to Pauanui for two weeks at the beach. We had friends that had taken a vacation to Canada leaving their beach home vacant for us to use. We had a great time there. After that we came back home to pack up a Camper Van that we have bought last year and were about to head off again. Then I got a call from one of my sisters to say my nephew had been killed in a bike accident.. So plans were changed so I could go and support my brother through that. How life can dramatically change. Now we are settled back at home and the children are back at school and loving it. I have taken this week to get back on track around home. Most of the vege garden has gone to seed so has all been ripped out and about to be replanted. We haven’t had much rain this month so the country has browned off and there a few bush fires erupting. I hoping for a much quieter year this year. I have often wondered what direction you have taken. Would love to hear how things are for you. Always enjoy your writings. Look forward to hearing from you love Elaine, Warwick, Jake and Aria
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… Cause opening up to Joy seems to be about the only pre-req for getting to bring it around with you.
Nice idea. Thank you
Ahhhhh. SO good to read something from you. Way to bring the joy, girl.
Sara,
Your message brought me great joy this morning. Thanks for posting it.
Jim
So pleased that we didn’t go with Emma. What was true twenty two years ago is still true today.
Sara, you are a beautiful writer and have used your gift to bring joy to me this morning. Hope you enjoyed your Nickle Creek and I agree with your dad, glad you’re a joy bringer! And for the record, you fulfilled your name to our family for as long as we’ve known you, even when you’ve felt down.
This is wonderful, Sara!