I feel like writing.
“Should” probably be working on the “Really-Need-To-Do-TONIGHT-List”…
“Should” be reading something bio-related or learning how to better draw a Gram + cell…
“Should” probably be washing some laundry or making a nutritious dinner of sorts…
But, those things can wait.
I’ve had this idea for about a week now and it is starting to bubble up. Might overflow, actually.
Started as a “wow” moment, settled as a gentle idea, transitioned into something like a child’s-little-tug-on-your-pants-leg-pay-attention-to-me-please-thought, which evolved into a rambunctious wild thing that now dances in my head and heart on a regular basis. Where did you come from?!
I feel effervescent. Fizzy. Full of thoughts that are rising that certainly didn’t come from me.
And I’m starting to think that maybe someone else out there needs to hear this, so here goes nothing. Wasn’t my idea to start with, so I’ve got nothing to lose. (Shoulder shrug and little grin)…
So with Nickel Creek playing, candle flames dancing, soft light smiling through cream-colored-curtains… I’ll set fingers free.
I was named Sara. My name is Sara.
No real choice in the matter, it was the name I was given at birth.
(Was almost an Emma, but nope. Looked like a Sara. So here I am).
Sara means “one who brings great joy”…
Growing up, I always felt like that name carried quite a bit of pressure- “One who brings great joy”- … a title, a job of sorts, a role to play. A duty to fill. A name to live up to. As if being the oldest kid wasn’t enough of a challenge. Joy, huh? So, that is my job. Bring joy. Greaaat.
And I wasn’t named to bring ‘a bit of joy’ or ‘some joy’ but…. ‘great joy’…
Joy, when taken apart or defined by dictionary things means “the emotion of great delight” or “happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying”… “keen pleasure”… “elation”… Big, right? Kinda intense, right? It is something that doesn’t just swing in easily. Not a happy-fleeting-moment. It is more of knock-ya-off-balance-deep-real-good-steady-thing.
It is the difference between a tackle-hug and just a nice-friendly-hug. Tackle hugs involve running, excitement and lots of smiles. (The four-year old I babysit for is really good at these). It is an I-Really-Missed-You-Hug. That is joy. Not fleeting happy smiles, but lasting awesome joy. Deeper than feeling.
And the idea of bringing that, on a regular basis… as regularly as I am named Sara… that seemed tough. Impossible actually. To always bring Joy. But, then again, I am always named Sara. Not just “Sara” when I feel like being “Sara”…
I am named Sara even when I am not always feeling perfectly joyful myself. So how does that work?
Then this idea hit me the other day. And this is the idea I feel compelled to share.
Sara. One who BRINGS great joy.
I am meant to BRING great joy. Not make it. Not stir it or create it or build it or mix it up myself. I am a messenger. I bring it. I get to carry it. Deliver it. Hold it. Pass it. Throw it your way. Toss you some Joy. I get to have it inside of me and I get to bring it around with me wherever I go, with whatever I do.
It was the most freeing feeling. The most awesome idea. Turned my pity-party-duty-idea on its head.
BRING. GREAT. JOY.
Don’t worry about making it. Buckets of Joy are already there. It is already taken care of. Always there, whether or not I feel it or see it or sense it. Like gravity. Always doin’ its thing whether or not I take the time to pay attention to it. Like my heart beating or lungs filling up and letting go. Still there.
Joy must be an Always thing.
I’m thinking that Joy exists (and has for forever and will for always) whether or not I am around. There will always be someone to carry it. Even if all the Sara-joy-bringers simultaneously disappeared or collectively decided to quit being joy-bringers, others would step up.
I mean, they say “Joy comes in the morning”…. Leave it to the morning to still keep kicking along even if everyone else stopped bringing joy. Morning is always there.
Basically, it started to sink in that Joy is not a new idea.
Joy doesn’t change. And my mood doesn’t matter in the slightest. It is my opportunity to bring joy. And actually, it is just my role to be open to it. To see it for what it is. To find it. To bring it for others. To find it in the morning, every morning.
Instead of feeling pressured to fill myself up with joy all on my own, it seems now… after a week of this little thought or meditation… that Joy is pretty incredibly full on its own.
And I (ME?!)… I get to BRING it.
Sara, the messenger who helps deliver great joy.
One who brings great joy.
So, with that, I’ll return to the “Really-Need-To-Do-TONIGHT-List”… and you will return to whatever things you ‘should’ do too… But, I’ve decided that I’m going to open up a bit and I’m going to become a Sara-the-joy-hunter. Joy-gatherer. True-Joy-Bringer.
… Cause opening up to Joy seems to be about the only pre-req for getting to bring it around with you.
Off to find the joy in the dirty dishes…